JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
