Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
