that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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