No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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