i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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