I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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