I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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