just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
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I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
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I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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