what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
