I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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