..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
she pinky promised me she was 18
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
