i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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