For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
