I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
You can't special order awesome
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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