Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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