Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize