2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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