you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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