You smell like a Billy Joel song
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
