hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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