I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
