I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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