I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
