Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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