The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
