A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i think i have herpe
just one?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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