i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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