Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
