If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
No stitches, just platelets and will power
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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