Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
