dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
