Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
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