Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
