you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
