come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
