btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
