I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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