I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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