i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I had to cum in my sink.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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