My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
