Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
