Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
