Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
