Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Randomize
