1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize