And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
