With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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