Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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