sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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