roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
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I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
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I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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