I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
