Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
