I look better un-naked...
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
