Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I made him laugh his dick is mine
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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