But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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