Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize