So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize