remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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