Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
So squirting runs in the family.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
