Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
me + whiskey = a bad person
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
