sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
