im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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