I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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