I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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