I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
