the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
She's not a foreskin expert like you
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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