People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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