There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
We talked him into tasing himself.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
